Jimmy Kimmel: You are a child; a sad excuse for a 'man,' etc...

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Dear Jimmy Kimmel:

This is difficult for me to write, because I actually like your sense of humour and wit.  Nevertheless, just because I like you doesn't mean I don't think you're an idiot.

I suppose this blog post could be directed to the other late night talk show host dudes out there as well (Leno, Conan, etc.), but, Jimmy, you are the primary target for this particular rant.  So, Jimmy, if you and/or any of your fans happen to read this, please note that I am not looking for feedback.  

Jimmy, you seem to be spending a surprising amount of time on your show poking fun at quite possibly the easiest target of the century -- Mayor Rob Ford of Toronto.  A lot of your material in that regard is indeed funny, witty and brutal and typical given your disposition as a late night comedian.  And no amount of continuous ridicule and utterly disgraceful, shameful, embarrassing rhetoric could possibly be enough for Rob Ford, a man who continues to self-destruct on camera for all the world to see.

Rob Ford

I'm writing this to give you a bit of a different perspective, okay, so bear with me.  I have some questions for you.

Jimmy, if your mother, wife, child, friend or anyone else close to you perhaps suffered from a terminal brain tumour -- a tumour that affects certain parts of the brain in charge of regulating motor activity, cognitive function, social behaviour, speech, etc. -- would you treat this person the same way you treat Rob Ford??  You might be asking yourself, what the hell are you talking about, right?  I'm talking about the disease of addiction, and if you did your research/homework you would already know the information that follows...

Addiction is a brain disease -- it is a chronic, progressive, relapsing terminal disease.  It has no cure.  The pathology is very similar to that of cancer.  It can be successfully treated and even permanently abated, but only for  a certain percentage of those afflicted with the illness.  Rob Ford is in the early stages of this disease of addiction.  Unfortunately, many of the symptoms of addiction manifest behaviourally, not just physiologically.  In other words, in addition to causing damage to the physical body (liver, kidneys, brain, etc.), addiction affects cognitive function, behaviour, motor ability, intellect, sex drive, and so on.  Just like certain forms of cancer and a host of other illnesses, like Alzheimer's, strokes, etc.

Severe strokes also can cause a person to behave so erratically and bizarre, that those around such a person usually think he/she is 'crazy' or insane in some way.  But no, that is not the case.  These are brain diseases.  Are you starting to get an idea of what I'm getting at here?  The target of your ridicule, Rob Ford, is fully in the grip of a devastating, ultimately fatal illness.  And it is not so funny.  Yes, some of the actions caught on video, some of his ramblings to the press -- these things do appear to be funny when presented in a certain context.  If you're mother, wife, child, etc. was acting the same way, would you relentlessly ridicule them on national television.  Rob Ford has children, and their father could very possibly be dying.  Hilarious...

No, you wouldn't.  And none of it matters, b/c you guys love to poke fun at behaviour caught on film without any subtext or real context.  It's part of your job, and your viewers like it.  There are reasons for that.  Here are a few of those reasons, Jimmy...

Jimmy, you're a relatively unattractive man with a limited vocabulary and an fairly undeveloped intellect.  You're actually more like a child trapped in an adult male's body.  Like many of your viewers, and like many Americans, you never seem to grow up.  This is a big reason your country is continuing to self-destruct in an abysmal pit of greed, stupidity, gluttony, pride, nationalism and arrogance.  You do have a good sense of humour, and your comedy appeals to the large majority of children("men") who watch your show.  And, I admit, you are witty, but it's the kind of wit that appeals to your average couch potato.

Jimmy Kimmel

And, apparently, just like much of the rest of your country, you'll do anything for money.  Which, in your professional case, means "ratings."  Ratings equals money, yes?  Rob Ford is good fodder for ratings right now, which means more viewers and more ratings.....and more money for you.

If you had any balls at all, any inkling of a spark of courage, you would perhaps enter into a real conversation with someone like me.  But, since you don't know who I am, and neither do your viewers, this would not likely put any money in your pocket.  So this is a moot point.  Regardless, I would verbally rip you to pieces in about thirty seconds flat.  Ask anyone who knows me.  I'm worse than Teflon.  There's nothing you could throw at me that wouldn't come back at you 100 times harder.....relentless.  You would likely end up a suicidal child begging for mercy.  That kinda stuff is fun for me.  You see, I've already been to hell and back a few times....and survived.  As a recovering alcoholic and drug addict myself, I tend to stick up for those who suffer the same devastating disease that almost destroyed me.  I've written publicly about my experience with addiction.  I have nothing to hide.  Fortunately, none of my behaviour was ever caught on camera, but I've done a lot of the same thing my mayor Rob Ford is guilty of (oh, and yes, I live in Toronto by the way).

I've hit all the textbook 'bottoms' of addiction.  I've been to jails, prison, multiple rehabs and treatment centers, psych wards, hospitals, etc.  And I have nothing to hide.  I've gotten DWI's, I've been beaten up by cops, I even got pepper-sprayed at a strip club in Texas.  There's nothing you could say to me to cause the slightest bit of a change in my mood.  Because I'm a man, not a child...Jimmy.  I was a very sick guy, with very serious symptoms -- symptoms that manifest behaviourally and that apparently serve as humorous fodder for guys like you.  I was dying, I was suicidal and I lost everything and everyone.  I was even kicked out of the United States for prescription fraud.  I was also a lawyer, an entrepreneur, a husband, a father, a loving son, brother and friend to all.  But, I had an illness that robbed me of all the good things and that almost killed me.  Hilarious...

Anyway, I have a busy day, so for now, go fuck yourself -- at least you would be having sex with someone better looking than your ex-wife.  Now, remember, I do actually like you, so toughen up and take this talking-to like a man.  And, by the way, I'm not looking for feedback.  I'm untouchable -- you can't hurt me.  It's a good position to be in.  And grow up already, then maybe I'll buy you a coffee or something...

-peace/warm regards:
Jude Blues

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CNN, shame on you.

I'm getting really sick and tired of listening to journalists and news anchors -- who purport to represent an impartial, objective disposition-- heap judgement upon judgement onto public figures who have had a 'fall from grace.'

Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, is the easiest target these days.  I watched Carol Costello (I think that's her name) on CNN a couple of days ago asking one of her guest pundits, "Why isn't this man in jail; why hasn't he been charged with a crime; he's publicly admitted to smoking crack, why hasn't he been arrested???"

Carol Costello

First of all, Ms Costello, you need to tone down the cosmetic facial surgery -- it's starting to show a bit too much through the hi-def TV screen.  You need to pace yourself, my dear, with those collagen or botox injections or whatever the hell it is you're doing to make yourself look like Ms. Potato Head.

Second of all, stop asking stupid questions.  A journalist in your position -- a relatively powerful position -- has millions of Americans tune in every morning to watch the 'news' and many of them  actually agree with you and your opinions.  So, when it comes to stupid questions, your should really do your homework before spitting indignation in every direction.  You need to learn the answers to said stupid questions before asking them in such a dramatic, exasperating way.

Here's the deal, at least in the U.S., Canada and any other constitutional democracy (with very few exceptions).  It is not against any law to simply admit to using drugs.  This should be pretty obvious, and the fact that someone who has reached the position of CNN news anchor does not know that no crime has been committed upon the simple admittance or confession of the use of drugs, is sad, negligent and misleading.  Because the tone in which such questions are asked give the impression that the simple consumption of an illicit substance, whether it be crack cocaine, marijuana, prescription meds, etc. should be dealt with from a law enforcement angle.  But more importantly, it drives home the old stigma that those who have abused drugs are immoral, bad, shameful people.  This is a major component of the larger issue that results in the stigma of drug addiction  being perpetuated continuously in our 'civilized' world.  In other words, because that fat man said he smoked crack, he is a bad, bad human being and should be in jail.

Rob Ford

Ms. Costello, it is a crime to possess illegal drugs and it is a crime to sell or traffic illicit drugs.  It is not a crime to smoke, snort, inject, or otherwise consume anything, unless you can catch the person in the act while he/she is still in 'possession' of the substance.  So, no, you can't throw a guy in jail for saying "I smoked crack."  And to even imply that an obviously sick man should be criminally prosecuted for certain legal manifestations of a complicated disease (i.e., addiction), is irresponsible and reckless.

And to all of you other news people in positions of influence, stop the judgement already.  Not only is it hypocritical (I've personally seen and been around many media people who were wired on cocaine, MDMA, and assorted other treats, for example), but it is also false.  So cut the bullshit, look in the mirror and focus on the cracks in that made-by-botox face of yours and reflect on this for a moment.  Before you judge a sick man, try to fix your own sickness.

-peace/warm regards:
jeremy